A Story of Redemption & Unconditional !
Curiosity lays it’s Trap…
As a youth curiosity began to teach me some things! Bad things! Like the fact that my Dad hid his pornography in the house! I was only about 12 or 13 years of age when I discovered it! These images began to haunt me. I was at the point that I could not wait for them to leave the house so I sneak and watch those X-rated Videos.
Come on now don’t judge me! Admit it you find your dads stash too!
My mom had pumped it in to my heart that I needed to be a Virgin when I got married and that was my desire. Then one night while my MOM was at church and my DAD was asleep on the couch in the living room sound as asleep and could not hear anything! This young man that lived across the street that I liked decided he would take all his teasing and flirting and picking on me to a different level. THEN IT HAPPENED THE NIGHT THAT WOULD BEGIN MY DESTINY! I was raped right there beside my own house and no one ever knew a thing! No one! Because I never told! When the ordeal was over I just simply walked in the house told my Dad that I was getting a bath and so I did!
That night was the beginning of a different life for me! What was the point of being good anymore?
I had nothing good to give! Around my Mother I still obeyed all the house rules. Behaved innocent and never got into very much trouble. I was simply waiting until I could move out and make my own stupid choices. That is exactly what I did!
TIME TO TRY AND MAKE IT ON MY OWN!....
By the age of 21 I moved out. I moved in with a House full of other young women with raging hormones. I could hear my room-mates doing their business with men in the next room. I would try and go to sleep. The sounds would just penetrate my hearing, which got my mind to thinking. Thinking about what they were doing and what I was missing out on. So, I began to Club hop just like they were doing. One night I propositioned a young man and he said yes. That was the beginning of a very long promiscuous life style.
God has provided much protection!
Now in front of my family you realize nothing was going on. As far as they were concerned I was just a hard working well behaved young Christian girl who had just moved out to start her productive lifestyle.
Family Life Begins
I finally met a young handsome black man that got my attention. He just wanted my company he did not want to take advantage of me. In fact he would often tell me I needed to go home in order to stay out of trouble with him. Eventually, our defenses let down and six months later we found out we were pregnant. After it came to light that I was pregnant I was kicked out by my Mother. I am not sure if it was the fact I had made a bad choice or the fact the bad choice was with a black man. I was always told to judge people by their character. That is what I did! He had a good heart. I knew it. We were just young and dumb! My parents confused me. They were going against everything they had taught and so called represented. There was no unconditional love!
The father of my baby and I moved in an apartment. It was a struggle. God smiled on us and we made it.
Notice I am not married!
The Light is Coming….
Finally two children later, many moves later, and many jobs later my common law husband and my two children are now living in Augusta, Georgia. For many years I felt safe and secure. Now my husband is a Truck Driver and always gone. I have no car, no friends, no church and strangers as common-law- in- laws! Plus two children!
You know since I was raised in a Christian home. I always called myself a Christian, I truly believed in the existence of God but very unaware of his requirements. There were no true examples that I trusted. Except for Mom and she was critical and judgmental.
Anyway, I’m up here in Georgia isolated and lonely. Along comes the Devil in the flesh and sits down beside me. He starts telling me how fine I am and all the rest of the smooth talking words that come with seduction. I began to fall for the lie that I can have the bad man along with the good man. I when I say bad, I mean really bad! Into drugs, abusive, he satisfied an unfulfilled desire. He satisfied an ungodly desire that had been affecting my life ever since the night of the rape. The destruction that this man sowed into my life through Lust was so bad I thought I was going to lose everything, my children, my home and my man.
I struggled with this secret for 7 months until, his sister, whom I now view as my guardian angel busted everything. My life changed!
But God had a better plan and a better way!
My common law husband was furious! Angry, hurt, shamed. Everything you could imagine. But he loved me! He loved me! He loved me unconditionally! He was the first example of Jesus in my life that I had known and He did not even know it!
God had been watching over me for months. While, I was going through that crisis the church ladies that had been coming by took an interest in me and what was going on with me. They counseled me. I began to go to church with a neighbor there in Augusta.
Dorothy, my neighbor became like family. She encouraged me to join the bible college at my church, Calvary Evangelistic Deliverance Church. How appropriate, everything I needed in one name. I needed the blood of forgiveness at Calvary; I need the Deliverance that an Evangelist could tell me about. God is good! I soon began to change. The Pastors Affirmed my Salvation. I began Bible College, and learning what God requires.
“All along my common law husband kept asking me to marry him and I kept saying no. I wanted no part of what I had witnessed in my Mothers’ Home.”
It was my turn now though, I told my common law husband until he married me there would not be any more benefits from that day on. Within a month we were married.
The Battle Begins!...
The problem now, I had exactly what my Mom had and what I grew up in. A divided house!
The stronger I grew in the Lord the more the war Raged! The difference is this time. My children were on my side. They had seen Mom change and they wanted Daddy changed too! We waged a two year war over his Soul!
We won it! Praise God! The Road has not been easy. The burden has not been light! But in God I have the Victory and my family has the Victory! My husband was baptized by Pastor John Harwell at Evangel Temple Assembly of God.
The Future!....
With having God on my side I have changed my children’s destiny and effected future generations. God has changed my daughters’ future. Satan tried to lead her down the same path I took with almost the same circumstances. We waged a two year battle with her and the Devil when she turned 11 years old, including thoughts of suicide and feelings of hatred towards her farther and the temptation to have premarital sex. Guess What! I won that Battle also with God on my side!
I have witnessed my daughter say to me Mom, “Thank you for not giving up on me.” “Thank you for all that you have done!”
My daughter and her Father now have a special bond and a Loving Relationship! My husband is still a Truck Driver and we miss him when he is gone. I am not lonely anymore!! God is ever present in our Home keeping it Safe and Protected!
Several year have passed since I wrote this story and God has continued bless and provide for me and family and the story continues!
Thank you for taking the time to read “My Story.” I know we all have one. Each one different and effective for the Kingdom in a different way!
Mothers’ and Fathers I urge you to teach your Daughters what to look for in a Godly Man. Teach your daughters to value themselves. God views them as special and precious gifts from God. No man has the right to miss-treat them. They need to know what kinds of men to stay away from! The other is also true. Our Sons need to know what kind of women to stay away from. Train them to keep their minds pure and their hearts pure.
